Wow we where soooo busy yesterday. We were running all over the place. On the upside though we went to a store that was going out of business and we got these two tables that are solid wood and very pretty. One of them is serving as an altar for the set I got. Josh's mom saw it and didn't make a big deal of it so I am glad for that. It is -her- home. I don't want to do anything that would bug her. I am thinking of putting a picture up but I don't think anyone really cares that much!

I'm loneeelyyyy! Josh is at school again. I wanted to invite Justin over today, but I don't feel right having anyone over when Josh isn't here. Especially a guy. I know I wouldn't like Josh to have girls over here when I am not around. I wouldn't feel right. Knowing Josh might be worrying. Like the one time an ex-friend of his was over here without him. He didn't even want to go to school even though it was -his- friend. He says he trusts me, he just doesn't trust guys not to hit on me. He thinks I am some valuable treasure that any guy would nab up if they got the chance. I love that he thinks im so precious, but I just wish I saw in myself what he sees in me.

I lost 5lbs!!! Don't ask me how I did it. I haven't been feeling well lately, so I haven't been taking my diet pills. I definitely haven't been on my diet (damn supermarket sales on breyer's ice cream!!!) But apparently with the cleaning I have been doing takes more out of me than I realized. The time that Josh's step-dad was here and was doing all the cooking and cleaning was probably when I gained some weight now that I think about it. I was more than willing to do the cooking and cleaning. We kinda even competed over it for the first couple of days. Then I just backed out. I figured it is just gonna give me more time to spend with Josh, even if it made me feel kinda worthless. Taking care of the home and Josh and his mom makes me feel good about myself cause I really love them. And they both really appreciate it. Josh helps out all the time! (normally he does the dishes since I HATE doing that!) And his mom is always thanking me. Which I don't think is really necessary, but it does make me feel good I gotta admit!

Some fag named Coren keeps giving out my xanga to people. Apparently thats how Jim knew about our tatoos and stuff. I don't get how these people care what is going on in our lives when Josh and I wish they would just fall off the face of the earth!!! Well regardless of who reads my xanga I made a promise to be truthful on here. Ok some stuff happens that I might be embarassed about, but I don't really have anything to hide. The only thing that -really- embarasses me is me using weed. But its for medicinal reasons and as soon as my friend can come with me to the doctor I will get the actual paper for it. (Right now I am just going off the recommendation of several doctors because I have done several consultations about it. I hate taking anti-depressant pills or anxiety reducing pills.And it can't work if you don't take it right?) All I can say is thank heavens I listened to Josh and didn't write out the info on the Handfasting. Otherwise we might have some wedding-crashers showing up. Hmmmmmm.... tasers are pretttttty. Very non-lethal... no jail time... hehehe. Then again the friends I am going to have there would probably rape the shit out of these cowards if they came =D but I don't want stuff like that happening on such an important day in my life!

I never get tired of looking at Josh's tatoo. I am still not used to it. It makes me so happy everytime I look at it. And instead of freaking out like I used to when my ring wouldn't come off (gotta take that to be resized) I don't have fits where I want to tear it off. Most the time I don't even remember its there, but on Josh I never forget he has one. Isn't that weird? He says when we walk with him in front and me behind him that nothing can harm us because the protection symbol we have guards us both. I really want to have a picture taken in like old fashioned victorian or renaissance with him shirtless so his tatoo shows and me facing him leaning on his chest so my tattoo shows. I wonder how much something like that would cost?

btw. I want to do something different to my site. I want to keep the same scheme but maybe change a few things. If you got any suggestions or are willing to help me work on my site just let me know.

It was Josh's first day of school! I was so lonely without him. Talking to Gabe was great though and made me feel a lot better. I feel bad for Josh though... he has to deal with this guy he can't stand cause they have the first two classes together. They -used- to be friends, but then he pissed off Josh because of what a slob and how rude he is. Not to mention when he used to try to talk about me behind my back thinking Josh wasn't going to tell me. At first I felt bad for the guy cause he seemed jealous that Josh rather spend time with me now instead of him, but then he would go and do things like that. I mean if he is jealous cause Josh and I are best friends... what would make him think Josh doesn't tell me everything? Josh already promised me that I wouldn't have to see him, he isn't allowed over the house so at least I don't have to worry about that! But I still feel bad for Josh. He isn't as cold as I am. If he was he probably wouldn't be bothered by the guy anymore but see he has a heart. The guy is just too dumb to catch on to Josh's hints. On a good note though Josh has to go to the museum for three of his classes so he told me we would make dates of it. I can't wait to see what the museums out here look like. Out here according to Josh you -have- to pay to get in. Unlike in New York where you can go in for free and they ask for a donation. Oh well, hopefully it is worth it. Museum of Natural History in Manhattan definitely was.

This Saturday Josh and I are gonna go to a barbecue at his father's house. It isn't exactly my ideal way to spend a Saturday but it is his father's big party of the year so oh well. I just keep remembering Josh's step-mom asking me and Josh to make out in front of her and it makes me feel weird. Just seeing her at all is gonna be kinda weird. I haven't seen her since Josh and I where there last and her and Josh's dad where fighting.

I gotta go to the doctor for my prescription.  I really don't wanna goooooo. I hate seeing doctors. They always ask me the same questions and I always gotta repeat the same stuff over and over. I have never found a good doctor that I trusted. A friend is suggesting this guy though and I have never tried doing something like that before so hopefully it will work out better this time around. The doctor is pretty close by to where I live too so thats real good.

I do not know what is wrong with me. I have gotten two hours worth of sleep in the past two days. I just can't seem to settle down and sleep. And of course when I feel like I am ready to sleep a little something will come up that I can't sleep. I haven't been taking anything or eating sweets before bed or anything. I even drink a glass of milk at night to try to get me to sleep. This morning when I got up to have breakfast with Josh I felt like a complete zombie. I could barely keep my head from landing in the bowl of cereal. Keeping this in mind, as soon as he leaves and I go to lie down again.... nothing. I couldn't sleep. I don't like this I can't go a third day like this. It isn't even like im busy or something so that I keep awake like that. I don't do much so I am just sitting around suffering. >.<

We got our mini cabinet and altar in the mail today!!! It is absolutely perfect for the handfasting! The altar set itself is so beautiful! And I got it soooooo cheap off of ebay. http://www.ladyhawkstreasures.com/moongoddessset.jpg  I have it set up in the room right now! I don't know if that is so wise cause I don't want to freak out Josh's mom, but I love it so much I don't want to just pack it away in the closet.

That idiot I was talking about last time from ebay? Winds up that I might have his account closed on him for reporting him to ebay instead of just reporting it to paypal and getting my money back! He still hasn't responded to the report at paypal. Haha hope he gets screwed over. Guy really deserves it. Who would want to screw over a sweet ole gal like me?

Hung out with Josh and Justin again today. Justin is such a trip. He has done everything... twice. He is so feckin funny too! For some reason though when I am high I have to keep stopping myself from calling him Jason??? Go figure. I don't even know a Jason. It's not like I forget his name, but when your high stuff just rolls off the edge of your tongue even if it don't make sense all the time. Wow and talk about high! I was like catatonic for like two hours after he left. I am just sitting there just faaaaaaded. All of the sudden I sat up and just started running around doing stuff and cleaning. It made me feel like I had a weeks worth of sleep!

Josh is a nag. >.< Josh is a big nag. Now although I am not a nag, I have to admit something... thats partially Josh's fault! I don't normally have to nag, I just ask. Now every once in a while he'll honestly just forget or just be too lazy and then he will need some bitchin, but its all in good fun. He teases me when I bitch at him cause he knows I want him to get whatever it is done but that I don't really mean anything by it. But him... NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG NAG flakdsafjdslfkjadsfla;sdkfjads;lfaksdjf;alsdkfjadskl;fkjas;dlfkasjdfkals;dfjsda;flkasdjfl;adsjkf;ladskfjasd;lfkjdsa;lfksdjfslk! Well at least he knows how to put the toliet seat down.

Aqua Teen Hungerforce on Cartoon Network (channel 45 out here) is so fekin funny! I just saw an episode where the meatball wasn't being properly babysat and he got into the medicine cabinet and ate all the ""jelly beans"" lmfao!

Some lame ass named the-fleamarket-pro is trying to rip me off on ebay. I payed him the same day as the bid ended and would you believe he didn't leave me feedback? He left me feedback when 4 weeks later after getting unprofessional emails from him or having some of them ignored I did not receive my item. So I submitted a complaint through paypal to get my money back and I left a negative feedback. Would you believe now he leaves me a negative feedback? I did my part I payed the same day! Im going to do my best to have ebay remove it. And the kicker is he sends me an email asking if i will remove my negative feedback so he will remove mine as well! Damn lamer. I hope that he doesnt catch that paypal is asking him to respond within the next 9 days so they auto remove the money from his account and he overdrafts and many problems on him!

On a happier note, Josh propsed! We were sitting on the couch watching some stupid movie on scifi called Alien Express. It went to commercial and we were having fun and he's like. Ooooh what a cute alien, will you marry me? lmfao! Wedding date is set for Winter Solstice (December 21st) If you haven't gotten an invite yet and wanna come let me know! I'll send all the specifics via email.

Josh and I started reading a book called "The Burning Times." It really takes an interesting approach to pagan and christian religion. It is a fictional story, but what I believe is expressed best here. We are reading it together not only to have fun, but so Josh understands my views about pagan religion. I would really suggest this book to anyone who has any belief in craft. I got it for only three bux on ebay hardcover in store condition!

Talk about ups and downs. Between my mood swings and some very stupid things Josh has done I am a total wreck! Not as big a wreck he will be though if he tries that again. He is being a good man servant now, but we'll just have to wait and see.

Got to hang out with our friend Justin today. That was cool hadn't seen him for a couple of days. We watched the movie Troy together. It was really great! Yeah, I know its a little late to give a movie review on it but oh well. We were supposed to have a barbecue together, but I am still feeling a little weak and sick so I didn't want to go out and make myself worse. So hopefully we'll do that Sunday.

Wowwww cleaning is lots of hard work! Spent 7 hours cleaning out the kitchen, you know like spring cleaning and I am still not done. Josh helped me of course. I really worked my fingers to bone. They still hurt! And there is still plenty to do! I can see myself cleaning all week and still not finishing!!!

Josh is so sweet and patient with me. I have been in a kind of rut lately. Kinda down and super irritable and feeling sick all the time definitely didn't help. I have been feeling that way for almost three weeks now. I think I am starting to come around though and Josh's way with me definitely helped. Hes been really understanding through it all, not that he doesn't make me want to choke him! But I suppose thats part of being a couple, eh? Yeah the past couple of weeks have been kinda sucky. I couldn't seem to get interested in doing anything anymore. Gaming, Hanging out, Smoking, watching tv, and definitely not anything that required any kind of movement/ work. Even though I am still kinda bored with most things, I at least am doing the cleaning again. Like I am starting to feel I have energy again. Now I need to get things done before I fall back into a rut again. Its like a never ending cycle.

Now I had a list around here somewhere... of all the things that had to get done... I think I threw it at josh at one point in the past three weeks... 

I feel like a turtle stuck in the middle of hot topic. There is so much going on, things that need to be done and I am just sitting there doing nothing. Money is definitely a factor. I hate all the ifs of waiting on money to come in. It is so much different when you have it just sitting there. Thats what Josh and I gotta do. We gonna start a little nest egg together for when we move out and all that. Have something to fall back on. When we are on our own and with children we cant just live from check to check, or at least its not smart to do if you can avoid it.

You know what I really love about josh? How in tune we are with eachother. We both like the same games, the same tv shows, the same pastimes. You would think it would get boring but its just so nice and cozy. We are always on the same wavelength, well except when its time to clean! Aside from that though, we never have to worry about pleasing eachother. It just comes so naturally.

Alright, well josh is off on another one of his binges where he goes and learns something new. He has made a Lineage 2 server now. It is going to be an rp shard (like our uo shard is gonna be) but of course since we just started its gonna be very very buggy. He is probably gonna wind up having to learn java to see the extent of what scripting can be done. At the moment we dont even have a website up or forums up for that matter. Just some friends together on the shard. Eventually though you will have to apply to get in, just like uo rp shards. Just like with uo, if anyone is interested I can get you in game without having to pay for anything since its a free private server.

I got the biggest headache today. I am so tired. Justin came over and hung out for a bit it was cool, although no cleaning got done yet again. It was fun though! I can't wait for josh to finish transferring the Lin server to the main comp for less lag. I am dying to play again. On one hand its weird cause it isn't the ncsoft server, on the other... i dont have to worry about dicks. And since it is roleplaying it should be even more fun. Not just grinding and trying to get the best gear.

Pain. Much Much Pain. I hate men, I hate kids, I hate being able to have kids. HATE. PAIN. ugggh whats the point? ::growls and waits for josh to take care of her::

Haven't done much today, but then again neither would you! I am playing on the uo roleplay shard again though, called Mirrandis. The admin seems to be a hardass but then again I think I am the only admin who isnt... (josh included) Anyone who wants to come play sometime just has to let me know! I'll help set you up. It doesn't cost anything to play. It's something to pass the time.

yesterday josh and i went to venice beach. we went with some people. wasn't as fun as when we went by ourselves but we did have fun. wasn't like the people we were with weren't funny and stuff. just i kept worrying they where bored. its easier when its just josh and me. we know what the other likes and its normally the same thing. we got a pair of dog tags each and swapped one. he also bought me two small pipes, for when i need to be more discreet, also for incase they get broken being carried around. id be so sad if my main pipe broke. i am just gonna leave that one home for now on. its even been dropped on the concrete ground and nothing happened to it. i dont want to take the risk again.

damn stupid flooble. gives me so many problems, i do not know why i even bother with the dang thing! i have been so blah lately and feeling sick and down. I am thinking about getting another tattoo but i dunno. josh likes that we only have our tattoos so they are even more special. i was going to get a japanese character tattooed on the top of my foot. they got some pretty funny ones. im feeling so sick today and i just cant shake it. it wont go away. grrrrrr must sleep....