its a good thing i am forcing myself to make lists and do things during my fast... winds up yesterday was the day of my GR appointment... i had called just in time to reschedule my appointment... so i have to go in today and get that sorted out. i got most of the things on my daily to do list done, but it was too much to get done with my work out too. today i made the list a little easier. im only gonna clean one room and mostly take care of julie's things and of course make meals for josh. that way ill have time to work out. tomorrow i intend to clean the computer room and fix julies big cage and put together and clean her adventure cage. maybe we will even have the lap top cleaned off so we can send it in to be fixed... that sounds like a plan... the house is just too big a mess to do all at once right now.

i dont know what is wrong with julie. shes been overly aggressive and evasive today. i have her in her time out cage on top of a table by an open door so she can enjoy some fresh air and i set her up a soft perch and a toy and medicated water and food in there cause she will probably spend the remainder of the day in there. i just dont know whats wrong with her. i hope it will be over soon.

ok to hell with everything im going back to fasting again... im not gonna break fast until joshs birthday on the 24th of march. im so tired and zapped wound up smoking again today and binging. i feel so sick and so tired and i just dont understand why. i think i am going to take a little nap until josh gets home then im gonna clean and help him do his project... i hope it works... i need some release from all this i need to relax im too stressed i can feel it in my soul! god i hate myself so much right now. i need to be stronger. im so sick of everything. im so depressed i havent been doing the cleaning or nothing im not even sure i took a shower yesterday. what is wrong with me? this depression just wont shake. normally after a fast i feel better and my depression subsides... and its not happening this time. ive been depressed straight for a few months i need it to all stop. i need help.

yeah did some work on this xanga so that now i can use it for more personal things that i dont really want to use on my public sites. people are just arent worthy of such deep insight. granted there is no one that will be reading this at first at least, i cant really imagine anyone who i would let read this. but its fun to pretend.

the guildwars preorder pack finally arrived at EBgames when josh was bitchin n whining to buy it from amazon lol! he went to get it but i had to stay home... i took too many green tea pills to start at the same time and its really fucking my stomach over. the super spicey chicken i ate to speed up my metab prob didnt help either!!! my stomach hurts and im not enjoying it >.<