September 10, 2005
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The past few days have been kinda cool. A lot has been going on and I haven't been updating I know ::hits hand:: bad me! But it is kinda hard keeping two xangas. I have been using a second xanga to keep track of my weight loss. I know not many read my site, but the ambiguity (did i spell that right?) of having a secret xanga helps! So I have been trying to loose weight. It is very slow, but no one said it was easy right? I am currently eating about 500 Calories a day when I am good but from time to time I hit the 2000 Cal mark. One thing I have learned from reading girl's who are ana or mia is that they wind up hating themselves even more for having a cookie. So I try to take it easy when I do eat outside my diet and focus more on how much I enjoyed the food than the calories. Josh says I am loosing weight but I don't notice it to be honest.
Yerdz came and hung out monday, tuesday, and wednesday. It was a lot of fun. We smoked weed, drank (hot tea for me and coffee for yerdz) and I strayed from my diet one day only! But when I did... wow did I do it! LoL. Even off a diet I don't think I ate as much as I did that one day! Remember Yerdz? Pineapple ham and cornbread? Subway? Shoot... what else did I eat? LoL. The whole thing went ok except Yerdz decided at the last minute not to go to Justin's house cause she didn't want a guy to hit on her. I found the whole thing embarassing so I am like lets just not go then. Justin threw a fit and I wound up smoking him out even though he had just gotten an eighth that day. I dunno he freaks me out he reminds me of Nick. The guy is nice, but I don't really want anyone around that reminds me of Nick...
We went to see the movie "the exercism of emily rose" and it was really great. It ~is~ more of a informative thing guys so don't bitch when it isn't "red eye" The movie scared the hell out of me what that poor girl went through. Her real name starts with an A and is a long french like name. I wish they would have used that name, its so much nicer but oh well. Josh and I got a lil bitchy... ick crowds!
I might have stopped getting my childsupport from my dad I am not sure. It could be I am going to get both checks together or that it is finally over. If that is the case then it is very iffy if we can afford the wedding. Gee thanx dad. That lamer... I wouldn't be surprised if I am not even in the will. Oh well fuck him, he has always kicked himself because he was always such an asshole to me and I still made what I wanted to happen happen. He will have to live with it, I got to learn from it. Feel bad for him huh? Not to mention he is going to miss out on many things in my life that do have meanings especially to fathers. When I have the church wedding I think I will walk down the aisle alone and not even bother having a stand in father. I made it all this way without a strong father figure, who needs him for ceremony?
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